Guest Post: Dave on "Letting Go"

The last weeks have been quite an exercise in “letting go”. We are in a continuing process of this it seems. During my “Best Man” speech at Kevin and Heather’s wedding, Bev and I thought that “letting go” would be a good theme. I spoke of instances when with both of our children, we had to let go. Whether it was the first day of school, sleepovers, campouts, summer camp or trips to Europe, we knew in our heads it was part of a process we had to go through. Our hearts certainly felt differently when that bus pulled away or we left them at the airport. As they grew older, the “letting go” did not get any easier. College was a big adjustment with Kevin 6 hours away, and K. 1 ½ hours away, both leaving within a 2-year span. Their graduations meant more ‘away’ time with Kevin in Washington, DC working for Senator Helms as an intern and K. getting involved in her career. We jokingly say our children grew to the fine young people they are today in spite of us, not because of us. K.’s marriage was another big step for Bev and I, but knowing that L. was her soul mate and would always be there for her made the “letting go” somewhat easier. It really hit me when, as they were leaving the reception, K. waved and said “Bye Dad”. Kevin’s graduation from grad school, commissioning in the Army and duty stations in Washington, Kentucky, Alabama and Alaska were also big for us. His tour in Iraq has been a tremendous test of our faith. His meeting and marriage to Heather meant as Bev put it, “We are four times blessed”. Kevin, Heather, K. and L., now make up our growing family.

Which brings me back to the “letting go” over the last weeks. After many months we were finally able to sell both of the houses in Rocky Mount to one individual. After my grandfather died, my Dad sold the small farm my grandparents lived on and built a house next door for my grandmother. John and I grew up with my grandmother next door. She was one of the best cooks and some of the things she made, still make me hungry. She was a tremendous Christian lady and loved us all. My parents are “depression era” people and if you know anything about people growing up in that time in history there are several traits they have. They never throw anything away and they always buy products on sale even though they don’t need them right then. We joked that my Dad started preparing for the Y2K scare in 1959. My sister in law and wife cleaned out the closets when we moved them to Morehead, and you would not believe what they found. Multiple cans of food, paper towels, soap, shaving cream, as well as an array of unused washcloths and towels. The attic was more of the same. It is no telling how many loads we took to the dump. Electric frying pans with missing cords, free (important word in the Riley house) glasses, plates and tons of paper bags were just some of the junk that went out.

I guess when you live in one house for over 50 years; you can accumulate a lot of stuff.

My Dad’s shop area was an entirely different animal. Dad built a 20X25 foot shop in the 1960’s. I remember his excitement as the floor was poured and the framing was started. He wanted to be able to house all of his tools, welder as well as the freezer. He built workbenches with a vise and grinder. Having worked at the railroad, there was always plenty of scrap metal that was made into knives, fish scrappers, bowls, and anything else he could think of. The guys at the railroad “traded” their skills. The upholstery guys made sheaths for the knives, and zippered carrying bags for your pistol. Dad always also had plenty of car maintenance products. As mentioned earlier, if oil filters were on sale 4 or 5 were bought. Same with just about everything else in the shop. People coming in the shop said it looked like a mini-Wal-Mart. The shop was a great place to be on rainy days. John and I would play baseball with a stick and one of the many sponges Dad had. I think we could have been on the cutting edge of “nerf’ products had we know what we were doing. When we got our first boat, (a big step since we just had a motor before), Dad built a port off of the side to park our 16’ Carolina boat under. This was also one of the areas where John and I got our haircuts. When Calvin Creech, the neighborhood barber went from .25 to .50, Dad decided that was too much, bought a set of clippers and learned how to barber. Thank goodness John was blond and Dad’s workmanship or lack of it didn’t show too badly. After the boat port, was added, Dad built a trailer from more scrap metal, an old car axle and put wooden sides on it. Of course he had to have somewhere to put it, so he had another port built off of the boat port. Since it was a long sloping roof, it made a great place for our Lab, Jake to jump from his doghouse onto the roof to keep watch on everything. Every night at dinner, Dink would announce that Jake would jump off one day, but he never did. Cleaning the shop was quite a task. We offered close friends some of Dad’s tools that we could not use or have anywhere to store. I am glad these are in the hands of friends that knew Dad and hopefully will think of him when they use them. John and I finally had given away all that we could and last Saturday decided the time for the final cleanup was at hand. Armed with 32-gallon trash bags and boxes we began. We had the option of leaving some of the trash on the front curb, but decided with the closing on Monday, it would still be there when the new owner took over. We loaded up the Jeep and hauled and hauled and hauled to the dump. Dad never bought ice for our trips. He always took the cardboard juice cartons, filled them with water and put them in the freezer. This is also a good way to freeze cleaned fish. Anyway, I loaded 2 or 3 of the 32 gallon bags with just” Old South” empty orange juice containers. “Old South” was the house brand for Winn-Dixie, Dad was into generic products way before it was the thing to do. Plus Winn-Dixie has been gone from Rocky Mount since 1980’s

After we finished the shop, we walked through the yard to make sure we cleaned up everything. As we walked through one corner of the backyard, John caught himself looking for deposits made by our last dog, Duchess. Old habits are hard to break. One last walk through the house and it was time to say good by to the house we grew up in. Many memories of the smell of Dink’s fried chicken, Grandma’s pineapple cake and apple turnovers, Dad, John and Bobby High watching “Cade’s Country” every week, John kicking a hole in my bedroom door and many Christmas mornings are just a few.

As we went to the closing today, I told Bev we had closed another chapter is our lives, or maybe just another “Letting Go” that we needed to experience.

Kev's Coming Home!

Made a banner to celebrate my son coming home from Iraq! Any day now, he'll be getting home to AK and Heather! I'm thrilled and touched for Heather to hang this banner among the others made by herself and loving, hopeful families, as we all await their safe arrival home. We are so proud of Kevin and Heather and the way they have not only survived a year apart, but have thrived and grown together in the process!
WELCOME HOME from all of us, Kev! Can't wait to see you both at Christmas!